Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Being Irrational

Today I cried.
I don't know why. Maybe it's something to do with a bad diet, or sleeping patterns, or whatever.
Don't they teach you that you cry when you are sad? And then they have to explain that sometimes people cry when they're happy. Or angry.
But there's supposed to be a reason.
Perhaps I'm lonely. It makes sense, but if so, I'm not even admitting it to myself. As far as I know, I'm fine with being on my own for extended periods of time.
Perhaps I feel unfulfilled. I wonder if this is what life is, whether there is anything anywhere that clicks, that feels right, that feels like anything.
If there is one thing that I can think of that I want to do for the rest of my life, it is to feel something. Not to do what's right, or what makes sense, to do what makes me feel like life is worth it.
This is far from a suicide note. I believe that death removes the possibility of ever feeling anything. With life there's hope of something better - I just wish I could find it.

Songs for the irrationally tearful and emotional:
Feel - Robbie Williams
Children Will Listen - from Into the Woods
Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again - from Phantom of the Opera
I Don't Believe in Heroes Anymore - from Three Guys Naked From The Waist Down
Here Without You - 3 Doors Down
A Modern Myth - 30 Seconds To Mars
Peace Love and Understanding - A Perfect Circle
Another Day - Air


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